Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
