I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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