can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
