Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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