I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
