i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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