just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize