I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
