I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
