Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
