my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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