It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
