Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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