True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
there is glitter all over my balls
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
