I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
