Umm I'm too high to move.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
