fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
