so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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