I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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