Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
