I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
