It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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