and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
