she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
