Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
