This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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