I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
