I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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