Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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