Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
