just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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