I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
