If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize