I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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