Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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