guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My life is pants optional.
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