i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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