id be glad to
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
