So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
