think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
