i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
