Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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