Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
