we have pet lesbian snakes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
