weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
