You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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