Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
