Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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