he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
