I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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