I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
