cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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