imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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