Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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