hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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