i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize