we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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