OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
a search helicopter?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
