I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
