its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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