Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
