Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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