I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
