Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
