My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
