my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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