Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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